at my job we have to go through a training program that teaches us the library of congress classification system, and when i was first being trained my boss started to boot it up and she gave me a really anxious and guilty look and said “listen, i’m really sorry in advance, there’s nothing i can do about this, just…. just try to get through it” and i was like lol what’s she talking about and then the program loaded and i was greeted with a deliriously funny-looking photoshopped wizard with glowing eyes pointing at some intro message like “AH YES, JUST AS THE PROPHECY FORETOLD… APPRENTICE, YOU COME AT A TIME OF MOST DIRE NEED… YOU MUST LEARN OUR WAYS” and my boss just looked at me helplessly and was like “i’m so sorry. it’s like two hours long.”
thankfully it wasn’t an elaborate fever dream and i have found screenshots
Hi my name is Ever Given Ever’Green Imbari Golden Class and I have a long green hull (that’s how I got my name) with white letters that reach across my back and a red bulbous prow like a dolphin’s fin and a lot of people tell me I look like Sapphire Princess (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Conti Cortesia Ever’Green Marine but I wish I was because she’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a Golden Class Container Ship but my deck is straight and wide. I have smooth green paint. I’m also a Cargo Ship, and I sail in a shipping lane called called the Suez Canal in Egypt where I’m part of a caravan (I’m three). I’m a ship (in case you couldn’t tell) and I sail mostly in the ocean. I love Hot Topic and I ship all my clothes to there. For example today I was shipping a thousand black corsets with ten miles of matching lace and a lot of discounted black leather miniskirts, pink fishnets, and combat boots. I was carrying black containers, white containers, black half-containers, and wearing red eye shadow. I was sailing through the Suez canal. It was windy and full of sand so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of tugboats told me I was about to run aground. I put my middle finger up at them.
